Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
