hotel room ftw
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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