sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
