You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
