Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
