I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
