I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
