I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
