i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
