the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize