i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
