I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize