I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize