Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Randomize
