I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
