As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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