i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
