Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
