theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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