no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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