The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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