Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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