if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize