Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
