i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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