Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
