Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
