And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
