New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
