Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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