Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
