I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Randomize
