I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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