OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is Oprah even human
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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