I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
