i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
