YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
