Your tits are I can't wait for
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
