He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
