ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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