Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
