Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
