I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You have to summon your inner elephant
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize