tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
