I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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