You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He? As in you personified your dick?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
