M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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