I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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