Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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