You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
