ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
