I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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