Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
