I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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