There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
