i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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