Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
