i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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