is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize