The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
