ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
