I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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