Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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