Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
