there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
