literally had 100 drinks last night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This baby is an asshole
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
