I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
