His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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