...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
