Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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