Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
