It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
