Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My vagina is very pro this idea
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
