Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize