I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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