hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
