just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
