its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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