Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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