apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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