you would pick up someone in the library
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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