I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
