I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
