Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Shame - the story of my life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
