is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
