I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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