where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
