did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She announced her abortion via fbk
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize