My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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