Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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