What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
