Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
