they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
