Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Michael Bay diarrhea
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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