When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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