So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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