is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
