I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just cut my nipple shaving
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Randomize
